Donia: Beauty From Pain
by Hatsuka
Summary: A oneshot songfic that got a bit big for its boots and ended up twice the length I thought it would be. Oh well. Enjoy anyway!


**NB: I do not own Donia or any other characters mentioned here. Song lyrics are from Beauty from Pain by Superchick. I don't own those either. Enjoy!**

-x-

_The lights go out all around me  
One last candle to keep out the night_

Donia moaned and fidgeted restlessly, wishing there was something, anything she could do about the inescapable, searing cold inside her. She didn't know how long she'd been lying there, on the ground, the staff discarded beside her. Cautiously, she opened her eyes, hoping to see something that would distract her from the pain. Keenan had left, of course he had, the coward. He couldn't even look at her. The ice, the chill inside her was painful, but it had nothing on the expression on Keenan's face when she'd fallen to her knees, screaming.

_  
And then the darkness surrounds me  
I know I'm alive  
But I feel like I died_

She'd passed out from the shock and the pain, but now she was fully conscious and wishing she could return to the painless oblivion. Eyes screwed up with pain, she uncurled a little from her foetal position on the grass and hauled herself up onto her elbow. The reality was beginning to sink in now.

_  
And all that's left is to accept that it's over  
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made_

Everything she'd been beginning to hope for – an eternity with Keenan, a life away from the squalid little town where she'd grown up in poverty – had come crashing down around her ears. Tears stung her eyes; this wasn't _fair_. There had been other girls before her, other girls who weren't brave enough to risk everything for him, girls who weren't strong enough, who didn't love him enough. She'd loved him; more than anything else, but it was the other girls who would get to be with him. I don't deserve this, she thought. Not when I loved him more than all of them put together. Silly, vapid, shallow little _children_, all of them.

_  
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder  
I feel like I'm slipping away_

The ice lapped at her in waves, each one stinging like acid, a reminder of what she'd lost. She closed her eyes again, whimpering like a child for the pain to go away. The curled up again, tears silvering her cheeks and falling on the grass. Death would be easy, an escape. She snarled and tore off the iron crucifix she'd been wearing. It hurt her now, burning her skin, but the pain was nothing more than a papercut compared to the pain of the ice and the loss and rejection. She suddenly felt very young, alone and scared, like a child lost at sea.

_  
After all this has passed  
I still will remain_

She wiped her nose and dragged herself up. She was the winter girl now, and there was nothing she could do about it. The Donia Keenan thought could be the Summer Queen is tougher than this, she told herself. And she swore to herself never to cry again. The lupine Fey that seemed to have chosen to follow Donia purely of her own free will trotted into the clearing, and nosed at her hand, whining anxiously. Donia managed a very small smile and rested her hand gently on the head of the giant, crystal-furred wolf. At least not everyone had deserted her.

_  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain_

It was some time later, and a particularly intense wave of cold had all but knocked Donia out again, and she was slumped against a tree. A delicate hand fell on her shoulder, and she looked up, not caring any more who had come to gloat. It was a woman she didn't recognise, tall and slender with waist-length blonde hair. Donia frowned, there was something... almost familiar about her, although she was certain she'd never seen her before.

"Donia," said the woman softly, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Am I right in thinking you took up the staff today?"

Donia nodded, not yet trusting herself to speak. The woman sat down next to Donia and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, an unusual gesture of affection for one of the Fey.

"Donia, I will tell you what the Winter girl before me told me when I took up the staff. It seems now as if it will never end, but it will. There is a light at the end of every tunnel, and one day there will be someone else who loves him enough to risk her life for him."

Donia's lip curled back. "Well, more fool them."

_My whole world is the pain inside me  
The best I can do is just get through the day _

_Now life before is only a memory  
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place_

It was several months since Liseli had comforted Donia, assured her that she would not carry Beira's ice forever, but Donia was no happier and no more used to the cold. It was a huge burden, the constant pain, gnawing at her insides every second of every day. The only relief came in sleep, but the Fey needed so little sleep that it made no difference. She saw Keenan occasionally, but he only every hade her hurt more. He tried to behave as if they could still be friends, and although inside she wanted to jump at the chance, to cling to him and never let him go, she had to remind herself that it had been him, his selfishness that had made her like this. And that unless she could convince them otherwise, he would continue to do it to other girls, on and on until he found his Summer Queen. She turned him away every time, screaming inside every time for him to come back and heavy-hearted because they could never be together. And each time she saw him, she knew she would cry herself to sleep that night.

_  
And though I can't understand why this happened  
I know that I will when I look back someday_

More time passed, and other girls came and went. Each and every one chose to become a summer girl. She fulfilled her duty with disgust, scorn for them. They would never be strong enough. She hated that she had become an outsider, a loner, because every summer girl would look down on her with disdain or pity, sometimes a mixture of the two. It made her angry, and she wanted to scream at them that they would never have to go through what she had, and that they had no right to pity her. No one would come near her.

_  
After all this has passed  
I still will remain  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain_

She had begun to wonder if there Keenan would ever find his Summer Queen, and her hope was dwindling, even with Liseli's visits. But recently, Keenan had dreamed about a new girl. She still had to make at least a token effort to convince the girl that Keenan was bad news, but she and the former winter girls shared a secret: they would be able to see the Summer Queen for who she really was, if and when she was found. So Donia had tried to hide her shock when she'd seen Keenan approach the girl. A human girl, but bathed in a pink-gold glow, invisible to everyone but Donia. She felt hope spark inside her, and for the first time in centuries, Donia felt warm. __

_Here I am at the end of me  
Trying to hold to what I can't see  
I forgot how to hope  
This night's been so long  
I cling to your promise  
There will be a dawn_

The Summer Queen had been found, but Donia still had the most daunting task yet to do: To both hide her secret and protect this girl – her hope – from Beira._  
_

_After all this has passed  
I still will remain  
After I've cried my last  
There'll be beauty from pain  
Though it won't be today  
Someday I'll hope again  
And there'll be beauty from pain  
You will bring beauty from my pain_

-x-

**So, there you go. It's not quite perfect, and it came out kinda differently from how I imagined it. But it's ok. Hope you enjoyed! Please review!**

**And seriously, listen to the song.**


End file.
